Self-righteous

Back at the Pizza Pie Factory, I created my own drama. Although I was quite sheltered and innocent growing up, I still felt like I was prepared for the wider world when I left home/YWAM. However, I had a sense of superiority. I had the idea that, because I grew up what I considered so well-behaved and was a “good” Christian, I was somehow better than most people. I was self-righteous. This attitude was going to get a smack-down in the coming years but for the time being it made me very judgmental towards others around me.

When waitresses would say something that I thought was offensive, I would judge it as evil and just stop talking to them. They didn’t know why I had turned cold toward them. Somehow I thought that they would eventually ask why and then I would be able to tell them what they did and that would make them change.

There were two waitresses in particular that I did this to. But as the relationships festered, I began to see that what I was doing was wrong. I realized that I was not being a great example of a kind, caring Christian. I also realized that I could not expect non-Christians to act like Christians (although many Christians don’t seem to act much differently anyway). I decided that I needed to explain my actions and apologize to them, hoping that my humility might be a good example to them as well.

Both of them were gracious. They had been somewhat perplexed at my behavior but it wasn’t like I was the center of their world and had caused them any great devastation. One of them was named Sally. There were three Sallys at the restaurant, the manager who had first interviewed me and two waitresses. We had to differentiate them by saying their last initial. This was Sally B from New Zealand. 

When I apologized to Sally, she responded that she thought she was moody but with the way I acted, it seemed like I was moodier than her! The other waitress named Czarina came right back at me with something that she saw me doing that she thought made my attitude towards her seem hypocritical.

I thought that, because I had told everyone that I was (for all intents and purposes) engaged, that the girls wouldn’t take any attention from me in the wrong way. So I started to go out and do stuff with some of them. 

For me, it was like just going out to have fun with a friend or a sister and I much preferred the company of girls to guys anyway. Sometimes people would question me about it. Somehow I had got it into my head that guys and girls in America did this all the time without it necessarily meaning anything. So that’s what I told people. That was not correct although I did tell Laura about what I was doing.

There was one girl in particular named Anne that I started to do a lot of stuff with. As The Chicago Pizza Pie Factory was part of a group of restaurants, we could eat at the other restaurants at a discount, which is what Anne and I did. The place where she lived was also in the same direction as my place so we would sometimes travel home together. 

One day I took her to church with me which was something she had never seen anything like. Every time something would happen that she didn’t understand she would just look at me bewildered. I had to do a lot of explaining during and after the service. That day we also went into work together on the front seat of the top floor of the double-decker bus for the more interesting commute. 

So when I apologized to Czarina, she brought all this up. She said she had been very surprised at what I had been doing, knowing that I was a Christian and practically engaged. I responded that I didn’t believe I was doing anything wrong and that I had told Laura everything.

I’m not sure what Anne had told Czarina. She did seem a little unstable, manipulative and prone to exaggeration at times. So she may have told her there was more to what was going on than what was really happening. In retrospect, I can see that what I was doing was not kosher. My calculations and presuppositions of being able to carry on platonic friendships like that were incorrect as I was soon to discover.

The restaurant decided to have a Christmas party at a local nightclub and that’s the night Anne decided to tell that she was in love with me. I guess me being practically engaged didn’t keep her feelings at bay. I told her that I was flattered but I could not reciprocate. I felt bad that in my naiveté I had unintentionally led her on. 

Despite the awkward start, the evening was fun, dancing the night away. I kind of avoided Anne. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings but I wanted her to know that anything more than just friends was definitely a no go. The party ended up going past time when the Tube stopped running so we could only catch a night bus home. And since Anne and I lived in the same direction, we ended up back together on the long ride home.

I’m not sure what her family background was but Anne was a girl who seemed to need and was looking for a lot of love. I heard later that she went off to another country with some other guy. I hope she ended up okay.